M.I.A.

Yes, I've been completely absent from this blog for over a month now, and it perfectly corresponds to my return to work on June 7th.  I enjoyed 12 amazing weeks off of work after having Graham, and the return has been much more difficult than I was ever expecting.  Sophie is at such a fun and entertaining age, and I truly enjoyed having her home with me all the time.  I feel like we accomplished a lot in those 12 weeks - potty training, recognizing her letters, Spanish, etc.  And, I just wish I had her home more to continue to work on these things and just to have lots of time together!!

Anyway, I went back to work on June 7th and for the first 3-4 weeks I was feeling completely overwhelmed. I don't know how other working moms do it all -- cooking home cooked meals, cleaning, working, parenting, and finding more than just 15 minutes of quality time with their kids each and every day.  I was feeling really sad and a bit lost and anxious.  It seemed (and still seems) like every time I looked around there was one more thing I "needed" to get done, but all I really wanted was to read to Sophie or just sit in awe of her as she recited books to Graham or played with her toys.  I've slowly been feeling like I've found more of a routine, although some days are better than others.

Two weeks ago, I spent the entire week commuting back and forth to Lansing (about an hour drive) for fieldwork for a large MDOT project.  I (and a colleague from our Austin office) was spending 10 hours a day in the field and driving home at night to nurse Graham and put them both to bed.  Let me just say - pumping while working in the field (read - gas station, fast food bathroom, or the car) is incredibly frustrating and completely sucks.  I hate pumping, in general, which is why Graham usually only goes to daycare one day a week and stays home with me while I'm working the rest of the time.  But, to have to pump on the go and then store the milk in a cooler with ice packs until getting home at 8pm is inconvenient and annoying.

So, my return to work has been a constant battle between trying to stay focused on work and my wish to spend my days with my kids.  When in college, I never would have guessed that I would so desire to stay at home rather than work.  But, now that I'm blessed with two beautiful children, I find myself longing for just that (and a little side business in photography as a creative outlet).  I'm still trying to find my way through this new life, and I hope that soon it will get easier.  In the meantime, I'll try to do a better job of updating this blog, at least with photos of the Sophie and Graham.

So - first up - photos from the Fourth of July.  Allen was in Seattle for Paul and Meredith's wedding during the holiday weekend, so I had the kids to myself for about 3 days.  We went to the Northville parade on Saturday and then to our neighborhood picnic on Sunday the 4th.  On Sunday evening, I decided to take them to the Ann Arbor botanical gardens to walk one of the trails I hadn't yet visited and to explore the historic red barn at the end of that trail.  Sophie is still talking about the parade on the 4th - especially the "silly clowns" and the sirens on the fire trucks and police cars.  Lucky for me she didn't find the parade scary, in the least.